The images coming out of Baltimore are horrifying. And honestly? When it comes to processing it all, I don't even know where to begin anymore.
I've written this blog now for over 11 years -- and almost without exception, I have focused on love and light. I've invited readers to see the light in their lives. I've invited people to see the light in each other. I've shared stories of commonality and resonance about people from all walks of life -- wealthy and poor, all races and religions, from all over the world. Every week, I share links proving that despite everything, this was a good week: links that inspire laughter or wonder, or awe at the beauty that people create all over our planet. I work pretty tirelessly to make Chookooloonks a haven of peace and light -- because I truly, deeply believe there aren't enough havens of peace and light in this world, and I want to be one of them.
But this latest Freddie Gray thing? Man, I'm tired. Trayvon Martin was shot and killed over 3 years ago, and since then, I have seen story after story after story reminding me that regardless of how hard I work to remain positive, how hard I work to share love and light, in this country, in a split second, I could be viewed as negative and bad person, a person worthy of death, simply because of the colour of my skin. Even if I do nothing wrong.
I shared the thoughts above with a white friend of mine not too long ago, and she suggested that I just turn off the news, and stop looking at the media, so that I could take care of myself and feel better. She meant well, but what she didn't realize was that watching the news wasn't what was making me feel bad. The fact is that I don't have to look at the news to know the state of racial affairs in this country. Because of who I am, and what I look like and what my family looks like, trust me, I know. What was making me feel bad is that I feel like I work so hard to show that the world is a good place, and the world seems so hell bent on proving to me that it's not.
And so, because I'm not willing to give up that easily, a break, to find my light again. I have a lot of travel coming up: I leave tomorrow for the Mom 2.0 Summit in beautiful Scottsdale, Arizona, where I'm going to inevitably run into good friends who will remind me what lovely souls they are, and by extrapolation, what lovely souls still exist in the world. (And if you're attending and you see me, please tap me on the shoulder and say hi. Friendly faces are exactly what I need right now!) Then I return to Houston briefly, before heading to the amazing country of Malawi, where I'm certain I'll see even more beauty and light. Then I return again for a short while before doing a little bit of personal travel. And then it'll be June, and things should be quiet for a while.
Throughout these trips, of course, I'll have my cameras with me, and I'm going to make a conscientious effort to find light. When I do, I'll pop in and share it with you -- but I'm not going to make an effort to craft long blog posts, or process deep thoughts, or anything like that over the next month. I suspect that my posts going forward for the next month are going to be pretty light on words. Because honestly, I just don't have it in me right now.
As always, I send you love, friends. Thanks for understanding.