The "Tiny Exodus"

This morning, on my way to the gym, I picked up the June 6th issue of People magazine to read while I was on the treadmill. While the Katie Holmes/Tom Cruise romance was enough of a draw for me to pick the mag up (I’m kidding – I generally don’t read People, but it was all that was available), the following article immediately caught my attention:

Why are American Babies Being ADOPTED ABROAD?

A little-known trend – European and Canadian families adopting black infants from the U.S. – stirs an emotional debate

The article goes on to answer the question as follows:

The answers lie partly in this country’s tortured racial politics. Among many blacks and whites, a powerful stigma against interracial adoption remains. And while more African-American children are getting adopted, they remain difficult to place. “The adoption hierarchy reflects our society,” says Margaret Fleming, the director of Adoption-Link, which has sent 74 black and biracial kids abroad. “At the top are blonde, blue-eyed girls. At the bottom are black boys.” At adoption conferences, Fleming says, “white families look at our babies, smile, then make a beeline for the agency that places Russian, Chinese or Guatemalan children.” In contrast, would-be parents from Canada and Europe – where racial baggage is different and adoption can be more difficult than in the United States – are often eager to parent black children.

Having been through it, I am only too aware of the racial politics that exist in the U.S domestic adoption business. At our agency (like every other domestic adoption agency we researched), the adoption fees varied depending on the race of the child you were willing to adopt. As I recall, the fees for adopting a non-black child were X, and a black child was less than half of X. If you wanted to adopt a biracial child (“biracial,” in this case, meaning “half-black”), the fees were somewhere in between.

At first glance, the fee schedule seems glaringly unfair; however, while I’m not a fan of it, I understand the reasoning behind it. It’s supply and demand, and it’s what the market will bear. And the article is right: a powerful stigma does exist against interracial adoptions in America. Just recently, I was reading the blog of a white man, married to an Asian woman, who was at the beginning of the adoption process. He stated that when interviewed by the adoption agency as to the race they would be willing to adopt, he stated they would like a biracial Asian/white child as a first choice; however, in part because they “only owned a few hip-hop CDs and a couple of books by prominent African-American authors,” he was afraid to adopt a black child, because he wouldn’t be able to appropriately expose the child to African-American culture. As far as I was concerned, his argument lost credibility when he claimed that they were open to transracial adoption, and in fact, they were open to adopting a Hispanic child, and would look to find support in the community in which they lived. What, there wouldn’t be any similar support if they chose to adopt an African-American child? Pardon my skepticism, but I suspect in the large city in California where they lived, they could probably find plenty of resources to assist them if they actually took the time to look for them. Call me a cynic, but I think their reasons for not being open to adopting a black child ran deeper than that.

In a more glaring example of this racial stigma, a white friend of mine who has adopted black children once told me she read on an adoption board about a woman who ostensibly would consider adopting a black child, but “was afraid of what their hair would feel like on her skin.” It is a testament to my friend’s unlimited patience when she kindly and caringly responded to this woman, saying she suspected the woman would end up loving her child unconditionally no matter what the child’s race; had it been me, I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t have responded, for fear of blasting the poster with a burning rage the likes of which she’d still be recovering from.

I mention all this to say that my reaction to the article was actually one of relief. If African-American children aren’t being adopted in the U.S., and thus risk growing up in the foster care system, I’m pleased to hear that some of these children are finding loving homes in other countries. While I agree it is unfortunate that many of these children must find families outside of their home country of the United States, I think it’s an indication of a deeper problem, and not actually the problem, in and of itself.

So, that’s my two cents. What do you think? (And when responding, remember: Chookooloonks is a place of love and light – if you differ in opinion, please try to present your side thoughtfully and constructively, without making it personal to me or any other commenter. Thanks.)

Comments

[Dianne]

I think the most important thing to remember when adopting a child is that a child is a child, it is irrelevant what color their skin is, we're all human. If someone has an issue with adopting a child outside their own race, then perhaps they need to look deep inside themselves and see what issues truly lie within their hearts.

[Erin]

Love, love this post.

When adopting from Colombia, you are not given a "choice" regarding your child's skin color. Colombia a country of many different people of color. If Nicolas were purple with yellow polka-dots, he would still be our perfect baby boy. Skin color was simply not a consideration for us when we chose Colombia.

It hurts my feelings when potential adoptive parents discuss the relevancy of skin color; however, I understand on an intellectual level why race must be discussed in the context of adoption. For example, we live in a homogenious (read: white) part of the country. On the bright side, we do have a large Latino population and a Spanish Immersion school. There is also a large Colombian adoptee population in our state. These were very important to us when considering adoption.

There were other reasons we chose to adopt internationally, including the fact that my husband is deaf. Our agency honestly informed us it was unlikely a birthmother would ever chose an adoptive family with a disability.

Each family must examine their resources and consider whether their child will feel isolated in a community without others of their ethnic background. In our situation, race was a consideration to the extent it would affect our child and the resources we could make available to him.

All that being said, it still really bothers me when people insinuate that Nicolas is *light enough* to pass for my husband's biological child. Hello?? Since when is there threshold criteria for skin color? There are two suggestions being made: (1) bio is better; and (2) being a conspicuous family is bad. Both of them are insulting and undermine the bond we have with our son.

Whew, I guess I better stop talking and write my own post on this.

You can have your blog back now.

[victoria]

I had a neighbor who adopted a duaghter from China. This conversation took place in Northern California, in the Bay Area.

She said, "I mean, of course, it would be a lot easier to just go to Oakland and adopt a Black baby, but we're committed to going to China."

"Why is that?" I asked.

"Because they're genetically superior," she said.

That's right. "Genetically superior" was th phrase she used to describe Chinese babies as compared to Black babies.

I wanted to say "God, I feel so sad that your daughter will be brought up in such a bigoted home," but held my tongue.

[ImNotFranDrescher]

i read this article and thought of those blogs i read from moms who have adopted. what it comes down to is that people should be happy that children ARE being adopted. there are so many children out there that need loving homes....whether it is in germany, canada or timbuktu....

[Molly]

This is a post that hits close to home for me. My (white) husband is the eldest of a family with 7 children - the youngest 5 are adopted, and 3 are black or biracial. It's true that once a child is put in your arms, it's just that -- a child. Not a race, not a stereotype. It's hard to understand that, however, until it actually happens.

[kenya]

This is funny/sad... one of the (white) midwifes in my practice made it a point to tell me at every appointment that she has 2 black children and one latino child that she adopted, because she sees no color and has love for all, blah blah. That made her, according to her, better able to identify with me and my plight in the healthcare system as a young black mother, blah, blah blah... Um, ahem, I am a married woman, a full grown woman despite my wearing an afro puff and oversized tshirts during my pregnancy (hey, it was all i could do to get dressed!!) approaching 30, and I am not dependant on the system for health care handouts - my husband has "real" benefits through his job. (again, I am being sarcastic towards this woman's audacity, I am not trying to hold myself above anyone elses situation) All that to say - In my experience, those who are non white and have adopted black children often present themselves as being saviors or morally commendable for the sheer fact that they chose to help the "poor colored folk." (sarcasm here) It is infuriating. I worked as a doula/childbirth educator a few years back, and having taught both biological families and adoptive families, and having doula-ed to many adoptive families (a GREAT experience!) it seems that this trend happened far too often. Sad, so sad. But primarily with white-white couples, not with mixed race couples. Interesting. Whats worse, for me though, is when black people play the color game in adopting black children. I'm sorry, but when my baby girl smiles at me, all I see is that. Not complexion. Maybe it is a good thing that these children who would be subjected to such social stigma in the US are going to good homes in other countries in which there are no (fewer?)color lines. But then again, maybe they will be subjected to parents who treat them like discounted children just because they came at a "discounted price." I don't know. I just hope that however it happens and through whatever family, these children find themselves in the arms of people who love them. Period.

[Deborah]

When I first started reading about adoption, I was shocked to hear that there are different costs to adopt different races. One book I read mentioned a woman who adopted twice, the first time a Caucasian baby and the next time a minority (I can't remember the ethnicity). After a while the woman was really bothered that it had cost her half as much to adopt the second child, so she sent a check for the additional amount to the agency. Recently I read a comment made by Dave Thomas (founder of Wendy's, who was adopted) and (to paraphrase very loosely) he said he didn't care whether an adoptive parent was gay, straight, single, whatever....as long as the child had a good family then adoption was a good thing. I tend to agree-I think matching up would-be parents with a child who otherwise wouldn't have a stable, loving home is just an amazing and miraculous process. It makes me happy that there are people in other countries who are blessed with children from the States-even if it is a sad commentary on racial relations here at home.

[MrsDoF]

When I was a daycare teacher, there were several children of mixed parents--by blood, or step, or adoption. They were babies, I cared for them all. I have a knack for watching for similarity of personality rather than skin color. For one of the 1st birthday letters (one of the little details I did to let the parents know their child was in good hands), I wrote about how one little guy knew just the proper tone to put into his cry to get his dad to turn around and give just one more cuddle and kiss. They had this shortcut communication going at only a year old.
The mother said when she read the card she noticed that I didn't say one word about his skin color and she appreciated that.
I didn't say so, but I thought she might expect it to be noticed too much.

[Tina]

How does my son's hair feel against my skin? Like the feathers on the wings of an angel. How does my daughter's hair feel against my skin? Like fresh cotton balls.

When I walk into my kids' rooms, I see the deep soulful eyes of my children with whom rest all my hopes for the future. I see my babies, my children, my legacy, my future grandchildren. I don't walk into their rooms and see Black kids. I see the love in their faces for their mommy and they hear my love for them in my morning greeting. Their skin color is as transparent to me as their daddy's accent.

We are conspicuous, yes. No doubt about that. I just wish the greater population could see that the most glaringly obvious thing about our family is that we are a happy family. My husband and I vehemently reject the notion that we are the ones with big, kind hearts to have given a home for our children. "Bless you," they say. We are the ones who have been blessed by our kids. They complete "family" for us as much as we complete "family" for them. We wanted to be parents. Each needed a family. A match made by God hands.

Great post again, my friend.

[JAM]

This is kind of off the subject, yet isn't. What about kids born to bmoms who used drugs, drank, smoked etc? Or kids who have disabilities? There was an adoption board that I went to pretty frequently, I don't go there anymore because I found the people maddening (aparents & bparents were equally maddening to me). These people wanted perfect children. The majority had had miscarriages or couldn't get pregnant and couldn't produce their own perfect child, but their adopted child had to be perfect. There were quite a few of them who passed up on kids who had correctible disabilities or kids born to addicts. My husband and I adopted a little guy whose bmom used heroin and cocaine throughout the pregnancy. He is perfectly healthy and a joy. Domestic newborn adoption is possible for aparents with disabilities, we are proof of that. My husband is a paraplegic. We had baby in hand 3 weeks after finishing our homestudy, 4 months after starting the adoption paperwork. Our son was a complete surprise and we consider him to be a miracle. When we were told about him we knew that he was the one that the Lord had picked for us. I guess the point is that there are alot of "unwanted" kids out there because they aren't the right color, or their bmom took drugs or they have a cleft palate or whatever.

At our adoption agency in Colorado all domestic adoptions cost the same amount. It didn't matter what the race was or if there were disabilities involved.

[Crystal]

Having adopted an african american boy, I am very familiar with the race issues involved in adoption. My agency did not charge a different fee for the race of the child because their rates are based on income only, no matter the race of the child. However, when I went to my initial meeting they informed the group that adopting a white child would take APPROXIMATELY 2-3 years, a hispanic child 1 year, a bi-racial child 6-9 months, a black girl 6-9 months, and a black boy from weeks to a few months (most of the children in foster care PERIOD are black boys). I looked at my husband (who is black) and said "I guess folks are afraid that these cute little babies will grow into those scary black men we see on the news every night!" I think the problem is really about the issues that have never truly been dealt with in this nations history. I don't know what it's like to be a black man because I've never been one, but I pray that my son will know that he is a beautiful, intelligent, strong, and loving little black boy....no matter how hard this world tries to destroy his spirit!

[shannon]

Our agency sends lots of babies abroad--mostly to Canada--and the director has done a lot of interviews about it. Wonder if she was in the article you found?

My partner and I are both white and chose to adopt a black baby both because that's what we wanted to do and because that was easiest for us as a same-sex couple in Illinois. it seems that along with the money issue, there are other ways black babies are given less value by the system--parents. Usually the rules for who can adopt are looser for those children less "desirable" to adopt. Queer parents are good enough for Black babies, in other words.

Which horrifies us, but on the other hand--what idiots! We're an exstatically happy family who all love and are grateful for each other and we have an open adoption and our child's birthmother's blessing on us as parents.

But the thing that kills us--esp. from the standpoint of our academic work on race and U.S. imperialism--is that Americans will spend $30-60,000 to go abroad and adopt a child who's been in an orphange for several months; a child of any race EXCEPT afro-anything else, rather than adopting a newborn baby for roughly free--depending on how close to the tax credit the agency can keep costs (for us it was about $2,000 out of pocket)--who is Black.

And one look at our daughter's smile ought to be enough to convince anyone that there was never a more beautiful baby.

Europe (or Canada) by the way are hardly racism-free zones for these babies headed for lives there. If anything, the lack of experience in lots of those places with race relations or a diverse society leaves a lot of naivete at best, racism at worst, in those cultures. (But I'm sure you know that, globally well-travelled and internationally, interracially married as you are.) We often ponder a possible move abroad for the safety of the family in event of totalitarian fascist takeover in the U.S. (or did that happen already?) but we know that while the issues might shift from "feared and loathed" to "fetishized," race will not be any less of a problem for our daughter in (for example) the U.K.

[Jo]

When we decided we wanted to adopt, of course the subject of interacial adoption came up. My husband and I looked long and deep into our hearts and realized yes, we could love a child, even if they were blonde and blue eyed! (tongue in cheek of course) but the real issue is loving a child, not loving how a child looks. I really detest it when people say they could never adopt a child who was not white. As far as I am concerned, if I were in charge, THOSE people would never be allowed to adopt! You go gurl!

[j.]

i had no idea about the varying adoption fees, based on the child's race. i think you make a valid point in that it is, in fact, all about supply and demand.

although i don't see myself doing it anytime soon, i've been thinking about adoption for quite some time now and never once has it even crossed my mind as to what race i would prefer the child to be. in the end, that doesn't matter. all kids, regardless of color, need a love, guidance & support.

[Yvette]

Wonderful post. And great conversation.

It's always tempting to decry the large number of African American children who are "languishing in foster care" and in need of "good homes" and should be considered for adoption. I think, though, that we should not do this unless we also at the same time decry public policies (e.g., those related to employment, drug treatment, prison sentencing, public education, welfare, health care) that help contribute to this situation.

In short, we as a society have decided that it is better to remove children from "bad homes" to find new "good homes" for them than to work to "fix" the homes they are in.

[Cymbeline]

Do those of you who've done interacial adoption think that there's anything to the culture argument? I'm thinking in particular of this site (http://www.transracialabductees.org/), which is written by a couple of interacial adoptees who have an extremely hostile view toward the process, going so far as to refer to it as "abduction" rather than "adoption".

Obviously, we should all be colourblind, and any parent worth his or her salt wouldn't care about the ethnic background of an adopted child. But is there legitimacy to the idea that an adoptive parent should in the very least have a strong connection to the culture of the adopted child?

I'm especially interested in getting your two cents, Shannon, because I read your blog (former Indiebride here) with some regularity, and I recall you explaining that one of the reasons you and your partner felt comfortable adopting your child was because you have strong ties to the Black community and experience teaching and working with issues of race. If you hadn't had that experience and those connection, would you still have felt comfortable in your ability to provide a viable cultural connection for your daughter?

[Dawn]

At our agency the "white" program includes all races *except* AA. The AA program includes a child with any AA in them -- any mix that includes AA. The fees are about half that in the "white" program.

When we first signed up, we felt enormously guilty that our fees were so much less but the thing was our agency said we had to choose one or the other and if we had said, "Whatever, match us with the right woman and it'll all play out" they would have only shown our profiles to moms carrying babies that were AA or AA mix ONLY because there was a greater need for it. So our social worker said to take the reduced fees anyway. And the truth was, it made a significant difference in how quickly we were able to pursue adoption.

(Other things, in the AA or "special needs" program, there are deferred fees, which is the only way we were able to afford the adoption at all -- we paid as we went.)

Our cost after the tax write-off was 0. Or will be as the tax write-off is spread out over five years. We were also able to defer payments until we got our tax refund.

My biggest concern about this is that we had people in our trainings who were in the AA program only because it was cheaper and so felt like they had to get a "bargain basement" baby. If they had the money, said one couple, they would get a white baby but since they didn't...

That's disturbing.

I used to feel angry/frustrated at people who wouldn't consider adopting transracially but now I think that if they honestly don't feel they can do a good job of it, they shouldn't do it. No child needs to come into a home where the parents may be hostile from the get-go and while we can hope that the parent would fall in love and move past that, we have to recognize that some won't.

It's kinda like the form you have to fill out about disabilities. It forces us -- as adoptive parents -- to confront our limitations. So does thinking about race.

(For some reason typepad is no longer accepting my homepage -- argh)

[shannon]

Cymbeline (and all):

We did feel confident about our ability to give our child plenty of extended black family (chosen family--our blood families are solidly white), and that helped us feel confident about parenting transracially in spite of the feelings of folks like the transracial abductees people.

I also found Randall Kennedy's arguments in "Interracial Intimacies" really persuasive that arguments against transracial adoption are based on fairly stereotypical ideas about race etc. (and other great points--I recommend the book highly).

I have been wanting to blog about this but it is hard to approach from the right angle (or, the left angle). I also strongly agree with

Yvette,

that the entire system of white supremacy in the U.S. leads to this overrepresentation of black children in the foster system, etc. I just posted about the Enron movie on my blog and I remember being so pissed off when the Faustos argued that their prison sentences shouldn't overlap so they could care for their children. My partner and I said "put those kids in foster care with a black family! That would serve those rich, white jerks right!" Because of course, no one cares what happens to black kids when their moms go to jail for smoking pot or something stupid.

Anyway, this is Karen's blog and I will carry this angst back home and do more with it there so everyone can get back to the Alex-worship they come here for in the first place.

[Lynn]

I also read that article, but what struck me was that there was some groups that wanted adoptions outside the U.S. borders to stop. Frankly, if someone is willing to adopt these children who would otherwise NOT be adopted at all, who cares what country they end up in.

I didn't grow up in the country I was born in and I think that was probably a good thing.

It is not like the U.S. children are going to underprivileged countries. They can get a wonderful up-bringing in another country. Frankly, our world is so "americanized" now, it isn't like they won't be exposed to their birth country.

That's my two cents.

Lynn

[sarah]

All i have to say is: "We don't own enough hip hop cds/novels by black authors to adopt a black child"????
Since when is culture determined by biology? I'm surprised they didn't say, "We don't have a basketball court near our house; we could never adopt a black child..."
This is outrageous...just another reminder that not only has racism not diminished in our society; it hasn't even changed form...

[Mac]

When my husband and I looked into adoption in England we were saddened to discover that many non-white kids were stuck in the system far longer than they should be because the social workers don't want white families to adopt them.

There is some reasoning behind this - that kids are better off in the culture to which they were born (a west african family may not be able to adopt an afro-carribean child for instance) and that they may feel isolated. Unfortunately that means inter-racial adoption is rare and far too many children are stuck in the foster care system instead of offering support to parents who may not have the same culture/skin as the child but would love them. Maybe there's a whole bunch of Brits looking to the US as an alternative where the policies aren't so rigid?

[bex]

I would like to bring a Canadian perspective to this issue as I work in child mental health and work very closely with many child welfare agencies in my province. In our local context, aboriginal (Native Canadian) children and youth are over-represented in the system, which is in fact a result of the legacy of racism in Canada where our Native peoples were ROBBED of their children - that's right, the Ministry of "Indian Affairs" actually removed kids from their homes and had them adopted by white families or placed in residential "re-training" schools where there was horrible abuse and neglect. Not to mention the complete erosion of culture! If you can believe it, this went on until the last school was closed in 1996...

In this context, I tend to support communities when they voice the need for their children to be adopted "from within" whenever possible. On the other hand, it is maddening to me that couples will go abroad and adopt a child of a different racial and cultural background, but yet there are literally 1000's of kids in care within our own system (many of them children of colour)waiting for fostering or adoption. Why would a family "prefer" a Chinese child as opposed to an aboriginal or black child?

I write this as a woman who lives in a multiracial family and plans to adopt cross-racially in the next few years...Just some food for thought - not trying to be too negative :)

[paolo]

I love this blog. It is helping me come to grips with a lot of issues as my wife and I think about whether to adopt our second child. My friend is married to a man of Chinese descent. Through the miracle of genetics, her beautiful baby daughter looks completely chinese, even though she herself looks prototypically like an Eastern European Jew. As you can imagine, this leads to a lot of strangers asking her about her adoption experience as well as a few people assailing her for adopting abroad when there are needy children in this country. Her response depends on her mood. Anyway, I think the point is that judging people is always fraught with difficulty. People will naturally gravitate to the best situation for their child, adopted or not. If someone has race issues, they probably won’t be the best parents for a child of a different race. I’d rather focus on their willingness to adopt a child in need rather than condemn them for not being willing to undertake a journey they feel unable to handle. Just my thoughts.

[kate]

Its so weird that some children are so hot right now in the adoption market. Its been really trendy to adopt a Cambodian girl lately. I dont get it. These are children who need parents.
I'm not idealistic in saying that one should consider race in their adoption decision. Its important to make sure that you are able to care for a child's cultural needs that may be foreign to your own.
My godparents are the whitest people I know. They adopted two black children and were a little naive in thinking that it would be smoothe sailing and their kids would grow up to be just like them with a different skin color. It took them a while to realize that their children had certain needs. Like being around other kids that looked like them, having Afro-American role models, or getting their hair braided. Their children have grown up to be very resentful of their parent's inability (try as they might) to connect with them on a cultural level.
I am interested in adopting a Latino/a child because I feel a connection to that culture. I think that parents of children of other races have a huge responsibility to help their child reconnect with the culture they are geneticall linked to.

[Lisa S (et al aka Stolidoli)]

I'll be a little bit of a voice of dissention and say that Dawn's comment about being upset by people going for black babies because they're cheaper but really wanting a white baby doesn't seem so terrible. I have three biological children and have never adopted, though I worked in child welfare for 10 years and have worked through many many adoptions for other families. So I don't say this from personal experience, but I don't think it's racist or terrible to prefer adopting a child that might look like you and your partner had you concieved. Certainly, if I adopted a fourth child (not something I'm considering), I would wonder how that child would adapt in a house where the other three are constantly pointing out whose eyes they have, or nose, etc. I am not afraid that I'd love that child any less but would be afraid that he/she might feel somewhat less a part of this family. It would be a consideration, not a contraindication.

I certainly agree that there is racism here, of course, and clearly in the adoption and foster care systems. When I hear someone say they are willing to adopt from another country or race, but not an American black child, I am left wondering why on earth not.

But at the same time, I wouldn't knock someone who is trying very hard to match the physical features of their own family if at all possible, nor could I assume the worst in someone who appears to be willing to consider one other race but not all other races. For instance, I have a friend who adopted internationally through Guatamala. She and her husband are both obviously Aryn looking American people, but her niece is half hispanic and she thought that it would be nice to blend that culture with her brother's child and her own adopted son. If you saw her on the street, of course, you might assume that she went out of her way to avoid a black child and headed overseas instead.

Anyway, I digress. Mostly I was sickened by the same comments you were and am all too familiar with kids languishing in foster care waiting for a home.