I find myself maintaining two calendars: one crammed with the list of daily appointments and tasks to wind up things at my law job, and the other filled with to-dos to have my new, creative life up and running and a viable business by my first day of work, October 16th.
I find my mind splitting its personality during the day: one moment deep in concentration crafting indemnifications and limitations of liabilities; the other trying to figure out ways to market my images and words and digital storytelling skills.
I find myself fighting a deep urge to go through my closet and remove any clothing that represents my lawyer life: the suits, the high heels, the sensible jackets. I'd keep only those clothes that feel the most "me," the clothes I tend to wear on weekends, the blue jeans, the funky beads, the headbands. I may not fight this urge much longer.
I find myself really, really, really wanting to exercise. I haven't in a few months, and I don't feel very good -- but working from 6 a.m. to late evenings makes it difficult to do so. Once I leave my law job, I will flat refuse to compromise: the only way I'll skip working out is because I don't feel like it, not because I can't find the time.
I find myself surprised that I'm not more worried about this huge leap I'm taking. I mean, all logic says I should be: the economy is tanking, and I should likely keep my corporate job. And yet, something deep inside of me tells me that I have no choice but to follow this path and see where it leads.
Although I'm not a huge coffee drinker -- only three or four cups a week -- I find myself wanting to cut coffee out entirely, and return to drinking only tea. I tend to drink coffee if that's what's available (read: in an office, that's what's available). Soon, it won't be as accessible -- and, it turns out, I like tea better anyway.
I find myself wanting to tie everything up in a nice bow at my office, so that whoever my successor is knows instinctively where to pick up; yet I'm overwhelmed with all that has to be done before I leave in three weeks
I find myself exhilarated, invigorated and nervous about the future. But it's all good.
Song: Lisboa Kuya by Sara Tavares