1. I can't believe I've lost them again.
2. They're on the kitchen counter. They have to be. I'm just not seeing them.
3. Surely Alex wasn't playing with the keys. Surely. Surely?
4. If Marcus took my keys ...
5. If the dog took my keys ...
6. I bet the damned dog took the keys and buried them somewhere.
7. Oh God. What if the dog ate my keys?
8. Okay. Okay. I drove the car home on Saturday, for criminy's sake. The keys have to be in the house, right?
9. I'm never finding the keys. Which means I'm never leaving the house ever again.
10. I hate when I'm scattered like this. Who knows where I put the keys?
11. I haven't checked the linen closet ...
12. I haven't checked the freezer ...
13. Maybe they fell out and rolled under the car. Can keys roll?
14. I wonder if someone broke into the house and stole my keys? Maybe they're making copies of all my keys, and passing them out to friends ...
15. I know. It's some sort of practical joke, right? Marcus and Alex have hidden the keys, and are watching me on a closed-circuit TV somewhere, laughing ...
16. Okay, this crap isn't funny anymore. They better not be messing with me. I need my keys.
17. In the washing machine? Maybe?
18. Jesus. I'm going to have to clean the house, aren't I. My keys are actually making me clean the house.
19. Good Lord, we have enough junk in this house. I can't believe how much I have to throw away. Oh God. What if I threw my keys away?
20. Oh, there they are.*
* Beneath the cushions, wedged under the backrest of the couch.
Image: Photographed with my Nikon D300, 50mm lens. aperture 1.4, shutter speed 1/100, ISO 250