this thankful week
It’s Thanksgiving week in the United States this week, the biggest travel week of the year. Despite having lived in the United States for decades, I confess that this is the one American holiday that I’ve never fully understood or integrated into my life, despite the fact that for many Americans, this is their most favourite holiday. My Trinidadian family rarely celebrated traditional Thanksgiving unless we were invited to someone else’s home, but as my immigrant mind understands it, a proper Thanksgiving day is celebrated with a gathering of both close and extended family, and includes a feast (of which a roasted turkey is usually the star of the show), followed by watching a football game. Sometimes folks engage in a community act of kindness, like feeding the poor or volunteering at a food bank. As far as I can tell, an actual ritual of giving thanks may or may not be included, and the mythology surrounding the first American Thanksgiving is not without controversy — but still, that there exists a day of the year that inspires folks to charity and gratitude is something.
All this said, even though our family has been known to cook a turkey and invite immediate family who are local to us over to our house for Thanksgiving lunch, it’s not usually a huge production, since I grew up in Trinidad and Marcus grew up in England, where the holiday isn’t celebrated. In fact, we’ve often used the holiday as an excuse to fly to England to visit Marcus’s family, since historically airline fares have been cheaper during this time than during Christmas. And that’s what we’ve planned for this year.
I’ve already been here for about a week, and as I type this, Marcus and Alex are making their way from the US to join me. While I’ve been awaiting their arrival, I’ve been working as usual: Bath is, after all, our second home, so coming here isn’t a vacation. I’ve had meetings, and coaching sessions, and even have a book signing event in the nearby town of Bristol TONIGHT (will I see you there?). My days are as full as ever, is what I’m saying. But unlike in Houston, a town that isn’t pedestrian-friendly (to say the very least), Bath is the exact opposite. And happily we’ve had a few gloriously sunny days, so I’ve been making the most of walking the city’s beautiful streets.
Once Marcus and Alex arrive, our week is going to be full of connecting with family, with activities that will include a Thanksgiving dinner at a local restaurant (except, of course, they call it a “holiday” dinner here, since Thanksgiving is not thing, but Christmas sure is, and it’s already in full swing in Bath. Close enough). But for now, I’ve been enjoying my solitude. And I’ve been thinking about how grateful I am for my life.
This, by the way, isn’t new: I've had a pretty dogged gratitude practice for decades. Every night, before I go to sleep, I come up with at least one good thing that happened to me during the day. And I've mentioned before that the practice has changed my life. But here are two by-products of this little practice, ones that bear mentioning:
A dedicated gratitude practice makes you start looking for things to be grateful for. After you're used to making a note for what you're grateful for every night, you'll start finding yourself looking for moments in your day that you can add to your list in the evening. Little things like, "Man, it was so good to hear from my college roommate out-of-the-blue today -- that's totally going on my list tonight." "That was a great little conversation with the check-out guy at the grocery store. I've seen him so many times, it was cool to find out that he's from the Caribbean, too! That's totally going on my list." Things that you might not have otherwise given a second thought to will now warrant a moment of reflection. But also:
On really crappy days, you'll start going out of your way to make something good happen, if only for the sole purpose of having something on your list. This is the secret sauce right here: when your day is going awfully, knowing that you need to be grateful for something will make you do something kind for yourself. Maybe it'll be a good long conversation with your best friend after work. Or buying yourself some grocery-store flowers. Or an extra-long bath and a book before bed. You'll just start adding more of the good.
And the magic of creating this practice is that at the end of the month — or year, or even Thanksgiving day — you’ll look back and suddenly realize that you’ve been inadvertently cultivating joy all along. And that’s definitely something to be grateful for.
Anyway, happy Thanksgiving, everybody. May you feel thankfulness for all the good things in your life this week — and create and cultivate joy everyday going forward.
